At Mortlake railway station, seeing my dad off on to his train back home:
Dad: Gawd it's nippy. Fancy a little snack? Some chocolate?
Me: Why not?
At the stall on the platform, 2 men behind the counter:
Dad: What do you fancy? A kitkat?
Man 1: Nice cup of tea two sugar.
Man 1: You want nice cup of tea two sugar, isn't it.
Dad: No thanks, I've just had one.
Man 1: Oh. You look just like man who have nice cup of tea two sugar, he come here all time. But he don't wear hat.
Man 2: All time. But no hat.
Dad: Oh. (Lifts his hat for a second): Must be my double. I have been here before, lots of times, but not for tea. Erm, I'll just have some chocolate thank you. What have you got here? Ah, oo-hoo, a kitkat.
Man 1: Kitkat laaazy. Lazy chocolate. Laaazy man! (To me): I think you no have lazy chocolate, you have ... snickers! More chew! You look like snickers man.
Man 2: Snickers!
Me: Do I? Oh. Actually I think I'll have a caramel bar, thanks.
Man 1: Oh he lazy too! Laaazy chocolate. No good.
Man 2: Must have snickers!
Man 1: This your son? Yes. He look just like you when you young.
Man 2: Laaazy boy!
Dad: Last time I was here, there was a man from Iran. I said, oh you're from Iran: where were you born? He said, Twickenham. And I said, ha ha, I said, oh I'm from England but I was born in Iran.
Man 1: You from Iran? Where you from?
Man 2: Iranian!
Man 1: Oh Abadan! Abadan good place! Very good place to come from. Lot of oil. You own property?
Dad: Unfortunately, no.
Man: Do you have mistress in Abadan?
Dad: Do I look like I have a mistress in Abadan? ... Unfortunately, no. Ha ha.
Man 1: You only say that cos your son here. But we know. Abadan ladies very famous: beautiful.
Man 1 & 2 launch into joyous rendition of an Iranian song about Abadan girls, Man 1 banging out a rhythm on a pile of newspapers on the counter: 'Aba - daaan!'
Dad: That's nice. What does it mean?
Man 1: It talk about beautiful lady in Abadan. Famous.
Man 2: Aba-daaan!
A high speed train passes through the station without stopping.
Man 1: Too fast for you to catch, laaazy man! But he can catch it, he still young.
Me: Where are you from, then?
Man 1: We come from Mongolia.
Man 2: Mongolia!
Man 1: Bayanhongor. We speak nine language: Baluchi, Armenian, Arabic, Farsi, Khalka ...
Man 2: Chinese ...
Man 1: Russian of course ...
Me: Wow! Mongolia to Mortlake, that's a helluva journey.
Man 1: What you do here? You live in Mortlake?
Dad: No, I live in Kent. He lives in London. Well, near Twickenham.
Man 2: Kent! Good.
Dad: We've just been visiting my sister.
Man 1: Younger sister?
Dad: Older sister. 96.
Man 1: 96! Good genes! Hey, you gonna be ok, good genes in family!
Dad: Oh, here comes my train ...
Man 2: 96?
Dad (pointing to my trousers): He has good jeans.
Man 1: Oh yes, very funny. Funny man! But laaazy!
Man 2: Very laaazy!
Man 1 & 2 start singing the song about Abadan girls as my dad's train pulls in. Dancing and waving.
For earlier 'dad' posts, see here, and here